The Day Ichiraku's Almost Died
by Uchiha Umeko
Summary: This is what happens to Ichiraku's Ramen after Naruto leaves and after he comes back. My first attempt at crack! Rated K  for an excessive use of the word youth and fangirl plotting. Giftfic for Turquoise-Waves!


The Day Ichiraku's Almost Died

A/N: This is a little giftfic for my bestie Turquoise-Waves. Look her up! I DEMAND IT! Also, this is probably the only (somewhat) crack fic I will ever write. The things I do for you, Iruka-chan. Just kidding! Now, on with the story my mighty stead!

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"GOODBYE EVERYONE!" Teuchi chuckled as he heard the yells of the enthusiastic blonde, ready to leave Konoha to train with the Toad Sannin. He only wished the best to his number one customer.

Ayame stood in the background on the verge of tears. For one, the boy she saw as her little brother was leaving. Who knew when he would be back? And with Naruto gone, their business went too. Barely anyone else stopped at their little ramen stand. Naruto was the only reason their little family had a roof over their head right now! Now Kakashi wouldn't marry her and carry her off to make wild, passionate love with her! How tragic! The brunette then went into her evil corner and started to scheme. Yes, that would be just perfect.

Teuchi shivered. What was that feeling of pure, unadulterated evil? Only one thing could produce such a dark aura. Somewhere, a fangirl was plotting to marry their obsession. He prayed to Kami-sama, only wishing that it wasn't his daughter.

_Three Years Later _

Teuchi shuddered as he felt the cold wind on his near bare back. When Naruto had left, he did not realize that most of his business would be gone. No one in Konoha cared for ramen anymore, which this authoress thinks is blasphemous. The only reason his precious stand was still well, standing was because Tsunade had lost a bet to him before Naruto left.

She had bet the weight of the money she could lose in a day weighed more than the amount of ramen Naruto could eat in a day. Apparently, she knew nothing about the Uzumaki and his appetite.

Ayame did not live with him anymore, as the plan she had concocted to marry Kakashi had succeeded. To this day, he regretted that he could not save his daughter from that horrible darkness of obsession.

Teuchi sighed. The landlords were demanding he sell his stand, his baby! What was this world coming to? Even though Kami-sama most likely wasn't listening, he prayed and prayed that Naruto was going to come back to Konoha soon.

"Everyone, I'm back!" Were those angels singing in the background? The old ramen maker must have been hearing things.

"TEUCHI-JII-CHAN!" Teuchi was tackled to the ground by Naruto's flying glomp. This illusion was so beautiful, too surreal for words. He might as well enjoy it while it lasted. "Old man, what happened to your stand?"

Naruto was confused. Ichiraku's ramen was the best in the Elemental Nations, and yet they were out of business. How was that possible? Did their ramen suddenly go bad? The possibility of Ero-sennin being celibate was greater!

"Teuchi-jii-chan, I'm hungry for some ramen and I got a load of cash! Apparently, I'm great at gambling!" The blonde held up some of the money that he had made in Tanzaku Gai. Ryo signs flashed in his eyes and his expression turned greedy as he saw the fistful of money Naruto held up. If he got that in the cash register, he could pay off all the debts he owed to the land owners and still have enough leftover to rebuild his stand. Oh, happy days!

The blonde shinobi kept ordering bowl after bowl of ramen, creating several towers of empty deluxe size ramen bowls. The stand owner watched in horrified fascination at the growing stacks. Teuchi was glad for the business, but it was just unnatural to consume so much food! Maybe Naruto's stomach was a henge'd black hole.

After finishing his food and letting out a loud belch, Naruto slammed his hand down against the weak wooden counter. "Well, that was satisfying! Here's your cash!" The blonde laid down the proper amount of money, and left feeling much better than he had in a while.

The owner of the ramen stand looked at the cash with wide eyes. He then grasped the bundle as though it were one of the world's most precious treasures, and proceeded to spin around with it.

"MONEY, MY PRECIOUS, WE SHALL NEVER BE SEPERATED! I SHALL PROTECT YOU WITH THE REMAINDER OF MY AGED LIFE!" With that said, Teuchi ran off into the sunset, snuggling his precious ryo to his chest. All Gai and Lee could do was stare in awe at the man. Gai screamed in joy. "Do you see that Lee? That is true youthfulness! We must join Teuchi in his youthful run towards the setting sun!"

"YES GAI-SENSEI!" screamed Lee in reply. Crying their youthful tears of joy, the green clad duo took off after Ichiraku Teuchi.

_The End_

Omake:

Gai and Lee, at their inhuman speeds, managed to catch up to the old man fairly quickly. They faced off with him in a stare down, eyes burning with the flames of youth. Teuchi had to give in. Those eyebrows were just scary.

"Youthful sir, I request only this of you! Wear this miracle gown, and our fountain of youth shall quickly grow together!" Gai's screams flooded Teuchi's sensitive hearing. Foolishly believing that these two green beasts were offering a way to make him young again, he accepted. He was horrified to find that this "miracle gown" was the hideous green spandex suit they were wearing.

"**NOOOOOOOOO!"**

Kakashi flinched. Somewhere out there, some poor soul was being forced into that horrible jumpsuit.

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A/N: I hang my head in shame. Even though I can write humor, but I can't for the life of me write crack. At all. I attempted though, for the sake of my bestie Iruka-chan. This was just something really random I thought up of. Iruka-chan likes it, so whatever. Wait, HAPPY BIRTHDAY IRUKA-CHAN!

R&R if you like my first attempt at crack!

~Uchiha Umeko


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